rough

thin hard lines form
on your face, I wonder
why I havent
noticed them before

swearing,
you clench your fists
I look closely
for the sensitivity

the warmth I knew
in you, but it was
hidden
put away for later

I did not
recognize you then
wounded ego,
ready to fight

I remember
my shock,
watching you
as you lunged forward

at the other guy
but now I know
that all angry men
are the same.

sad

maybe
you're being
too hard on me

I want
to go back.

scene

outside the gates
the usual bunch
hangs around
the sutta shop

beside the ganna juice shop
which also sells lime juice,
orange juice,
any colour juice

at the bus stop
an old man squats
in his lungi,
content with his beedi

and slow motion life
watching amusedly
a gaggle of girls
bargain with an auto anna

as a boy
does the same
near the dhaba
for his weekly stash

inside the dhaba,
groups of students
crowd, waiting for
place to sit

a small boy
smart, bright-eyed
wipes the plastic
adding yet another layer

takes orders,
runs about, delivers,
ears open to
the daily college gossip

and conversations,
sprinkled with
a distinctive tadka
across all tables.

gloat

hurt,
chasing me
with tentacle arms

ready
to engulf, grinning
like a pirate

but today,
I'm a squid too
dodging, hiding

there's my
murky ink
isnt it misleading?

woohoo.

moving on

it rained,
noisy streams
merged into

a deluge,
leaving our world
drenched in memories

that fulfill,
pull, cling
and disturb

but summer came
in yellow beams
evaporating them

one by one,
slowly, deliberately
into

a change of season
sun-washed
starting afresh.

piano

trying
to push away
this jittery feeling

trying
to be firm
and rooted

trying
to be invincible
and indifferent

trying
to act
like i don't care

trying
not to be hurt
pretending

trying
to be
like you

trying
not to face
these irrational thoughts

black
and white chords,
only you can take me away.

there's something
in your emails
so full-bodied,
and put down neatly
into paragraphs,

that makes me feel
all warm inside
as I scan through
your thoughts,
honest

and its magical
that once a connection
is found
the screen of the internet
doesnt seem to matter

or is it
the comfort
of this is screen
that maintains
the flow

that allows
these insiders
to be let out
through casual lines
I dont know

but now, let me
read you
and sit down to
draft out my response

we're talking.

gone

I make one move
and its misunderstood
another,
and that is lost too

how ironical
after all these years
we find that
we dont know each other

this is beyond
my comprehension
I shall retreat now.

show me!
she cried,
running after him

on her short,
chubby legs
in her pink frock

come n get it,
he laughed,
holding up his fist

his eyes,
half-mischievous,
half-mocking

she stumbled
over the sands
excitedly

as fast
as she could
chasing him in circles

till she tripped
over an
unfinished castle

and fell flat,
on the wet mud
he turned

she sat up
and howled
five-year old baby

he, suddenly quiet
and bewildered
sat beside her

and held out
his empty palm.

live

band one on stage,
with lights, amps,
shiny metal

lightning riffs
powerful vocals
high energy audience
black t shirts, \m/s

happy-drunk,
springed feet,
screaming along in
whiskey drowned harmony

head bangers
up in front,
already gone,
losing synchrony

musicians, keen
nodding along,
judging, with eyes
and ears open

in between acts,
comments, murmurs
stray whoops
college cheers

after the show,
groups sitting
in a circle,
on the grass

a bunch of voices,
and an acoustic guitar
a few songs, a few laughs
good times.

square

they sang
all those soulful songs
about asking no questions
and telling no lies

but thats not
how it works
here,
with me

so look me
in the eye
and tell me
whats going on

and believe me,
I'm not even
going to flinch
I'm prepared.

far away

foreign land,
in shades of
grey, blue and brown

wide roads,
black coffee,
alien cleanliness

silent, smooth trains
signboards devoid
of spelling errors

the perfection
offers no amusement
or warmth

what is this place I say
no bazaars oly,
no cows on the road also

english breakfast
on my plate
I used to like continental once

but now I dream
of idli dosa,
of dhabas,

and of bollywood songs
floating in
from next door aunty's house

I cant take it anymore
home beckons
wait wait, I'm coming.

amma

your words,
my bible
your voice,
comforting

hand-woven love
soft fingers,
that speak of
wisdom and grace

your toughness
and your
incomparable strength,
that I absorb

your thoughts,
that I worship
your advice,
that makes me think

you fill me with
the love you radiate
And I'm ready
to take on the world.

In my deepest fears
I think of you.

My protector,
allow me
to protect you
It takes two.

city

glitzy malls
shopping bags
high-heeled attitudes

dimly lit pubs
bring on the maritinis
loud music, young energy

workdays,
traffic honks,
smudged noise

weekends
multiplexes,
crowds everywhere

queues,
bills,
routine

getaway,
getaway.

compartment

Pot-bellied uncle
keeps us up
with his mouth full
and his empty talk

Subtlety: an alien
to his brazen drawl
that slurs
and forgets meaning

Incessant,
he goes on
Big manager
of big company.

Heard above
the rattling of the train,
his loud booming voice
and my silent amusement.

fight

today is fragile,
shivering,
stripped down
to this bare morning

we meet,
halfway
but it is lost soon
to red eyed words

that neither of us
can swallow;
hurling them
like boomerangs.

broken,
about to break
man,
woman.

tired, exhausted emotions
go away,
come back,
stay.

I see this
and I see that..
no no,
give me some time

because right now
my focus
is all over the place.

I thought
I'd sit here
and prove to you
that I'm invincible

now
before I break
I'd rather
you get away.

oh delicious feeling

of rediscovering
the beauty
of falling madly in love
with a song.

wispy song
meandering, like
the carving on your chillum

fingers tripping
carelessly
on the fretboard

gypsy stoner,
where are you going?

wooden chords
lazily drifting along
nylon strings

picking up words
scrawled in my head,
finding melody
in the space between

my song,
dancing lightly
like a smoke ring

evaporating into
the warmth of my room,
the colours
of the afternoon.

paati

she,
bent double,
rippling brown skin

under her
loosely draped
faded saree

dragging palm fronds
on the road
her nosering sparkling

against the sun,
as she gestures
to us for help

young shining eyes,
gummy grin
and wise wrinkles,

woman.

beyond

now I know
what it was
that was so captivating

your movements,
so fluid
unrestrained,

unbound,
like your mind.
free.

and I knew then
that it was all
I wanted to be.

what is it
that makes me
want to pen,
type,paint or sing
every thought in my head

fear
that it might be forgotten?

song

when you walk awayyyayyyy
tell me what to do
with all this love

and as we drift awayyyayyyy
what do you think we do
with all this love

turn my thoughts
inside-out
washed, wrung dry

bleeding fabric
colouring others
in patches,perceptions

look at them,
clothes line,
half amusing

part of this
imprinted on that
and that, on this.

maybe the last

standing here
watching the sky
spill its colours
into the morning.
this beautiful view,
unsettling.

can you feel the distance
coming closer to us?

fume

and it springs up again
this wanting
to hurt you back
to show you
how hurt i am.

i can retort
or slap your face
be as stupid as you are
to play this game

but trembling,
i control myself
head held high,
not giving in
as you stand there
throwing word-darts
at my ego.

dreams,
like alcohol
devoid of any respect

for the bold lines
drawn to separate
different worlds

smudging them
into a
circle of confusion

things unspoken
now out in the open
among voices and faces

that are strangely familiar,
washing away the chaos
waking up fresher.

stay

softly ringing,
these notes you play
freely sashaying

into the half-light
rising,falling too soon
pause right here

can you sustain
this feeling
on your piano

Ha.

today
I am going to do
whatever I want
bye bye,I'm taking off

I will skip,hop
and do flip-flops
like that boy in the old
sundrop oil ad

I will do the limbo
and the locomotion too
watch tv,
or listen to music

when I'm sleepy
I'll just crawl into my rug
for some nice long
ten hours of thoughtless peace

buy myself a packet of gems
and sit on the terrace,
watch the sunset
and the birds going home

today
I choose to be
free will.