Rains

allow me 

to drink in 

your very being

through you

i taste the monsoons,

the wet earth, 

life-giving. 

swaddled in snow
a world so white
a transformation so dramatic
overnight
it didn't make a sound 

wait

throw things around

raise your voice 

shout and scream

isn't that what

we all want to do 

from time to time

hold back 

for a moment or two

and it will pass

a small victory
every time. 

abroad

home

you cannot be 

one fixed place

you have to be

fluid, adapting 

to where i am 

so let go of your 

old-fashioned ideas, to 

help me stay sane 

hello 

new home  

adopt me please

spider

​a spider

weaves its web

from one leaf

to another 

fine silk 

is threaded

into beautiful symmetry

an intricate pattern 

maybe you will notice it

on a misty morning 

hanging in the forest 

in all its dewy glory 

maybe you will say 

ooh and aah

take a picture 

and gather a following

meanwhile, a fly

caught in the web

is relished 

by this artist 

it cares not a damn

for your like 

or your comment

or for what you think

waves on the rocks

heavy
with the weight
of a billion secrets

the sea crashes
on the shore
scattering them into the air
asking for more 

offer

i want 

to give you everything

my patience

when you need time

my silence 

when you need space

my comfort

when you don't want to ask 

my love

when you don't expect it

my stupidity 

when you want distraction

my madness

when you want to let loose

my readiness

when you want to experiment

my stillness

when you want peace 

my understanding 

when you need to be in sync 

my acceptance

when we disagree 

i want to give you 

everything

take it. 

​​

fort

i broke my fort 

for you 

and now i don't know

what to do 

because even if i build

the walls all over again

you're already inside. 

rich

let me tell you

what I see in you 

you should know 

your wealth. 

what's the price you pay
for the money you earn? 

connect

i laughed
and laughed

and laughed
till i choked

and then
i took a breath 
caught your eye

and we burst out again 

some best friends
are made overnight

inseparable

softly

sound the notes

scattered at first 

the right hand 

light,

tentatively touches

the ivories 

the left hand 

guttural, lends the song

form,

shaping it.

the two

play with each other

tugging, pulling

the right hand

laughs

trills

like a girl

the left hand 

more masculine,

rooted 

forms the bass

on which she builds 

they move

towards each other 

mostly

but at times, leave

to randomly float 

into rubatos

returning

in joy  

sometimes, the notes 

too close to each other

sometimes

at octaves

too far apart 

noisy, turbulent 

but keeping time always

through the rests

making peace 

through the tests. 

when you learn the song

you learn to play

both hands together 

two 

is a melody.

rooted

I think
if I put my roots 
in you 

I would make
a fine tree.

don't trade your
peace of mind 
for 

don't trade
your peace of mind.

sleep 
you soothe me
you help me 
you immerse me
in thoughtlessness
and your sweet gentle care 
 
i crave 
your company

you're a friend.

open space
can you
wrap yourself
around me?

so i don't feel
caged anymore

toussaint

the pianist
does his thing
and we are prisoners
behind his bars

real

​those words
you said to me
still ring in my ears
every time i feel low

time and time again
they put things in perspective
and bring balance
back into my world

you were ruthless
and it was a relief
that you offered no
sugar-coated sympathy

but you simply, plainly
put things in place
you helped me
pick myself up

and i will never
forget it.
dei thoo, you said​
is this the end of the world?​

why worry now

my feet soak
in a bucket of

white foam 

water
warms to my feet

warms my aching soles

dire straits
blasts through

the speakers

an assortment of novels

lie around me

on the bed 

i holler above

knopfler's low voice

lyrics i have known
since school 

and i see 

you're going to say 

something
but no, stop

you can't touch
this moment
save it for later

because right now

lady writer's
on the tv

​​

wheelie

a boy

​on a bicycle

sails past me 

quietly, and 

in the light

of the lamp-post

near the grocery store

​​i see him

do a wheelie 

simply, freely 

and almost 

unceremoniously 

on the empty street

nothing that anyone else

might have seen

except the evening stars

his front wheel 

was silhouetted against. 

tie-breaker

i watch
this relationship
gasp for air

limbs flailing
it struggles
to survive

i am baffled
at how love
can be warped

twisted, skewed
and distorted
like a photoshop image

i am shocked at how

it can transform itself

into this

and i weep
till i feel

i might 

cough up
my intestines.

i go through

anger, bitterness

self-doubt
and disappointment

i try to save

bits and pieces frantically

but i realise that

at some point
the relationship
can't take its own weight

and in the end
i only want
to save myself. 

"I love this song!"

it's the moment
you play something
and I recognize it

it's your voice
in harmony
with mine

it's the look
in your eyes
that shine into mine

in anticipation
and knowingness
it's the pause

before we sing
the chorus
it's the acknowledgement

of shared histories
in an old song
we both know the lyrics of

it's upliftment
it's losing ourselves
to a common power

music is your friend
as it is mine
but the companionship

between you and me
is exclusive, it is
a magical connect

however brief,
momentary
or fleeting

in that split second
as you catch my eye
while on stage

or in the hours
that we sing softly
to acoustic guitars

all loneliness
explodes and dissolves
into a fuel

that will keep
my feet moving
i'm grateful for you.

solution

a great many 
problems are solved
by keeping your mouth shut. 

stray

little white dog

by the atm 

you've got
such shiny brown eyes

you look up at me

as i wait for my turn

your tail
slowly wags

you stand up
stretch, and come
closer

sniffing at my kurta

it's impossible
to look away now

i give in

and bend down

before i can even

pat your head
you roll on your back 

in anticipation

and i scratch
your tummy
as you giggle

and wring your limbs

i stop
for a moment
and you paw at me
frantically

and i become
servile again

both my knees
on the street now

you follow me
as i walk towards

my office

nose close to my heel

i enjoy
the attention
yours, and that of passersby

equally 

we crossthe chinese restaurant
and you run off

in the direction 

of exciting smells

frenzied wagging
and sniffing follows

with your back towards me

i pause

and wait
for you 

patiently 

 

but you

are intent

in poking your nose
in the gutter

i suddenly feel

very betrayed.

snap

here comes 

breaking point

it comes closer

and closer

 

testing

your patience

testing 

your strength

 

you are 

prepared 

and determined

not to give in

 

you dig your feet

into the sand

firmly 

 

but when 

the wave hits you

your legs 

give way

 

they're no longer
under your control. 

when the waters recede
you find yourself

drenched, 
exhausted 
with salt and sand 
in your mouth 

you breathe

in relief 

it's over 

 

you don't see

the next wave 

coming

because who knew

that when you thought

you've recovered

 

you would break 

again

and again.

courage

one day
you have to stop
being afraid
and be you

i think it's today
it's a new release
first day, first show. 

farmer

orange saree
softly shines 
in the mild winter sun 
against blinding green
 
you drape your pallu
around your head

i watch
from behind the window 
of an air-conditioned 
train compartment 

the screen that
separates us

you, picking paddy
in mud-covered feet
me, sitting on my berth
with notepad and pen

using you
as my muse 

both of us
born of the same soil
in the same country 
but suddenly, I wonder

if being there
makes you
more Indian
than I am. 

back to the angst

working like a dog
to get what you want
can be a bitch.

grandmother

beautiful gold bangles
circle your thin wrists
and jingle when you
turn in your sleep
i can hear you

large diamond studs
adorn your
soft large earlobes
your white hair
silky till the very end

twice a day
you carefully smeared
vibhuti on
your forehead, asking me
if it looked okay

you saw me off
every morning
wishing me a good day
at college
when i went to office

i will miss your
sweet grandmother fragrance
of mysore sandal
and your delighted smile
when you were offered a sweet

you pampered me
i pampered you
i will miss that
avva, like most grandparents,
you were truly grand.

humiliation

undeserved injustice
can sting

but bow out gracefully
even as
your cheeks
are on fire

because
you can't ever give in 

pride

don't unwrap
your wounds
in public

spare others
the sight
of that mess

shield carefully
what's lurking
beneath the bandages

and when the
clot dries,
peel it off

absently
over and over again
till it grows

into a smooth scar
you can indifferently
boast about.

i don't remember
ever buying you
a birthday gift

we never felt
the need
to be demonstrative

we had no
obligations
you didn't have

to take my call
if you didn't feel like
and i would know

we
just knew

you turn 25 today
if you were around
i would've called you

and amused you
with my latest stories

but maybe
you already know.

separate

two vines spring
from the ground
near a pole

climbing, meeting
each other on the way
intertwining

tendrils
wrapped around
each other

tightly, growing
indistinguishable
from each other

green harmony
around a rusted
electric pole

but at the top
where does one go
wires force them out

in opposite directions
they cling, desperately
in hope

of going back
against growth
against nature

but how.

risk

sometimes
one needs
a change of scene

even if it is
to find
that the grass
isn't as green

somebody's gotta test it.

mental gym

burn
negative energy
break
into a sweat
walk
the madness off
tone
scattered thoughts

flex
this way and that
firm
through routine
stretch
to the limit
run
furiously to forget

remove, chop off

the unnecessary
keep
the awesomeness
and build
more of it.

blinded

wanting what isn't
spoils what is.

anonymous

hello nobody
how are you today
you are a breath of fresh air

in this world
of somebodies
so with you

i can be anybody

there are things

that time can't solve

is that why

there's silence?

energy

it's all very simple

you don't waste yourself

explaining things

to people

who don't understand

you just

shut the fuck up

and do it.

jury

society
you colourful bitch
purring when pleased

provoked, you
dig your claws viciously
into your victims

which shade
do you don today?
like a chameleon, changing

if only
camouflage
worked for you.

church street

a ponytail
a faded kurta
a large camera
dangling from his neck

he sits for hours
in india coffee house
the turbaned staff
are used to him, isolated

and others
mingling, foreign
indian, men, women
friends, businessmen

there's a pulse
running through
this one-way street
wild and promising

signboards, neon
ruby's, matteos
warm yellow shadows
at coco grove

from the java city dog
to the cats
at the magazine store
church street blossoms

with life, new faces
new cuisines
flourishing

against the old

at night
groups of people
beer-happy laughter
ringing of youth

dying into quiet
preparation for tomorrow
a lazy sunrise
a chill morning

says hello
to the buffet
at highgates, and juice
at empire.

deficit

yesterday
i found myself saying
nobody understands

how ironic
i used to turn to you
in times 
like these

what hurts most
is not
that you're not here
today

but that
you won't be here
tomorrow
or the days after

you will miss
my milestones
they will miss you

without you
the world
seems unbalanced.

loss

grief

cuts you up

into pieces

suddenly life

is divided

into with

and after you

why

did you leave

if only..

so many

if onlys

but you left

so quickly

i trust you

might have done

yourself good

you took

a part of me 

with you

and left yourself

with me

dear boy

i will miss you madly

you knew that.

aftermath

I don't know
if I can
carry you around
 
I try to
shrug you off
but you cling tightly

how do I forget?
let me try
to put you in a song

maybe somebody
will listen
and make it theirs

maybe my piano
will drain
you out of me

maybe you'll become
a melody I will hum
without thinking.

now
later
or never

time will tell you
when the time is right.

highway

wheels roll
parallel to
white lines 

that merge into mirages
in the distance

highway dhabas
and gas stations
line the road
a luxury hotel
stands alienated

small, quaint towns
of colourful houses
and chai shops
vibrant, bustling
take the left at the circle

trucks with
brightly painted backsides
horn ok please, tata!
enfields overtake

tilted buses

dhoti-clad farmer
and a group of cows
amble alongside
cars, in
cud-chewing nonchalance

snakes sprawl lazily
across your path
sunbathing beside
fields of green, golden
yellow and mud-brown

at night
dip your lights
in the darkness
luminous stickers
look ominous

driving along
finding fresh roads
following directions
getting lost
feeling light

belonging to
neither here
nor there
but to everything
in between milestones

beautiful grey suit
your shoes shine
attention-grabbing gloss
reflecting an image
you have to live up to

you tried the short-cut
there were too many cars
on the longer route
your path turned out filthy
the rich kind, but filthy

now you sign
all those deals
under the table
behind glass doors
high-profile smooth talkers

i'm not sure
which is worse
your lies
or your lack of guilt

muckpot
of lost ideals
perhaps
you could invest firstly
in a spine.

wasting weather

cloudy windy day

the kind that

makes your hair dance

in an auto

on tank bund

the lake is full

of waves

in sync with

the music

on my ipod

"yeah they were dancin'

and singin'

and movin'

to the grooooovin!' "

"PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC

whaiiit boyy"

i chant loudly

auto anna

smiles amusedly

in the mirror

the new fountains

on hussain sagar

actually look pretty cool

woohoo, what

weather this is

but it's outside now

some days

are just not meant for

sitting at office desks.

permanence

I ran away

from the urgency of time

till it couldn't keep up

I took shelter

beneath an old tree

till I felt my skin

breathe the earth

under this beautiful vast sky

that promises

to never let go.

trudge

ignore the shit

and get on with it.

over*

like a moth to a flame
in the darkness
of a power cut

hovering around
the candle ring
carefully dodging,

but at times
almost dipping
into the yellow, clumsily

i keep coming back
even if i don't want to
i wish i could leave

you
i wish i could leave
but i'm here

because i forgive
so easily
every time

wait! the power's back
the flicker dies
in a whoosh

i'm free.

--------------------------------------------------------------

*this won third plaze in the Illuminati 2011 contest

unravelled

the more you reveal
the more
you puzzle me
redress yourself
in all those layers
and
i'll understand you better.

city rain

thick clouds,
jumbled wires
around a pole

brown leaves dance
across windshields
honking, packed cars

oranges sit brightly
on a cart, almost radiant
with anticipation

banging doors
and windows
a woman rushes

into her balcony
pulling at
clothes on the railing

at the bus stop
people huddled together
knowing they'll be stranded

the crescendo, activity
breaks at its peak
into the first few drops.

nungambakkam

crescent
on sterling road
puttu and kadalacurry

kodak studio
piano sounds
drifting in from
nearby music square

haddows road
an old favourite
with its big trees

and the red warmth
of oxford bookstore
familiar college road,
alliance, the irezumi board

kids hanging out
at ispahani, shopping at
khader nawaz khan road

in the centre
of all the traffic,
the maddening one-ways,
the buildings, big and little

rises,with humbling grace,
the beautiful white
loyola spire, embracing
the chennai sky.

apart

sometimes far
is too far
how far away
is near?

keeping

the sea
raw, brown
of the earth

lit up the sky
in a warm golden
the sun, a glowing red

black ripples
birthed and broke
silently

barefeet sunk
into the softness, gathering
wet sand between toes

which we had
to wash away
clean

so when my feet
sink into fresh earth that
i might learn to welcome

i only want to remember
what was beautiful
what beautiful was.

protection

thank you
for keeping me away
from you.

shrug

I'm startled
by this late revelation
maybe if you had
told me
a few years back
it would have
been different now
but you didn't
and that's that.

escapade

you poked around
on purpose, grinning
tearing the shell

suddenly
there's no cover

have you been
to the fair recently?
they now sell
unbreakable bubbles.

how it works

he died
and his ideals
died with him

you sold his stuff
and made your bucks

the magic

some connections

cut across

cities

and countries

and sometimes

all the pleasure

lies in knowing

that it's there.

lady*

dry rancid laughter
rings through the smoke
heavy, weary
in alley darkness

a voice breaks
in a jagged scrape
as she sings
breaking through

the noise
the pin-prick
vulnerability
shielded by pride

finding her way
with familiar, bitter ease
she laughs at them,
their glass hearts

she sings
the crowd weeps
she smokes
she lives tomorrow. 

------------------------------
*thoughts on listening to Lady by Regina Spektor

familiarity

have we

worn each other

and have we

worn each other out