a new friendship

Something has changed in one of my closest friendships and I am heartbroken We were once completely free, without inhibition  but now we are cautious, tiptoeing --

How do you be there for a friend who is not ready to share? 

Maybe this is the true test of friendship.

"You can tell me," I want to say,

"It's just me."

But I know this is not about me.

I know that this is perhaps me being selfish

My need to be seen as trusted,

my validation.

It makes me feel so vulnerable 

to share more of me when they share less of themselves 

And so I withdraw as well

to avoid that imbalance.

We all know that friendships are shape-shifters

morphing into new forms as we regulate

how much we want to bare of ourselves

and how much we want to keep tucked away

I'm working on accepting this new change

I want to be okay with it,

I want to be gentle and understanding

But maybe grace will come

after grief.