deficit

yesterday
i found myself saying
nobody understands

how ironic
i used to turn to you
in times 
like these

what hurts most
is not
that you're not here
today

but that
you won't be here
tomorrow
or the days after

you will miss
my milestones
they will miss you

without you
the world
seems unbalanced.

loss

grief

cuts you up

into pieces

suddenly life

is divided

into with

and after you

why

did you leave

if only..

so many

if onlys

but you left

so quickly

i trust you

might have done

yourself good

you took

a part of me 

with you

and left yourself

with me

dear boy

i will miss you madly

you knew that.

aftermath

I don't know
if I can
carry you around
 
I try to
shrug you off
but you cling tightly

how do I forget?
let me try
to put you in a song

maybe somebody
will listen
and make it theirs

maybe my piano
will drain
you out of me

maybe you'll become
a melody I will hum
without thinking.