guilt-shopping

if you want to shop for guilt 

the options are dazzling 

the malls are well-stocked 

there's guilt of war, of climate change

there's guilt about not meeting others expectations of us  

about not meeting our own 

we're guilty about the things we can't change 

we're guilty about what we can but don't. 

there's guilt about not living an authentic life

there's guilt about being selfish 

ah, guilt -- expensive, expensive guilt 

we spend extravagantly on buying guilt 

we beg, steal, borrow, we even seek it out  

it makes us feel important, this guilt 

but you know, sometimes it 

doesn't even belong to us. 

we can lament at who we have become 

power-hungry barbarians? 

planet-destroying beasts? 

or we can be economical, 

keep the burden light,

build a little bit of apathy, 

and distract ourselves 

with trees and birds and things --

things that are less heavy on the heart  

so that we can all 

move along now.

lunch buddy

who do I have lunch with

in this sea of people

all disappearing into each other

with their swaying forks and laughing faces

so confident, loud, familiar 

who do I have lunch with

do I try to catch someone's eye

or do I wait for a friendly wave

do I look away and pretend I don't care

take my tray and sit

coolly and confidently by myself 

or will that appear rude? 

should I ask someone

if I may join them

or will that seem intrusive? 

who do I have lunch with

in this sea of people

all disappearing into each other

while I stand, so visible

to myself, heart racing

wishing to disappear

just like everyone else 

new

i don't know 
whether i'm in a rush 
to get to know you 

or if I'm in a rush 
to show you me 

Misfit

a misfit in most places 
I find relief and liberation
in the company
of strangers

I can pretend
I'm just like them

reminder

this is a note
that I will revisit 
on a day that I need reminding 

this is a vow 
to always find pockets of freedom 
within boundaries 
(even if I have to create them myself) 

this is a pledge
to sing loudly when there's silence 
and softly where there's noise 
(but to always have a melody within)

this is a promise 
that I will always find hope 
in every dancing autumn leaf
(even when it settles on wet ground)

this is a resolution
to unhesitatingly seek the warmth of family and friends
and offer as much of myself as I can 
(but also without depleting my resources) 

this is a pledge
to read and write and laugh and
make new friends and keep moving on 
(even on, especially on, days that tell me otherwise)  

and when I read this one day
I'll know that I was wise
to have written this note

to remind me that I've crafted
a rich, authentic, abundant life 
with intent.