return

​I want nothing in return

for loving you

I watch you
smile and laugh
live your life
with so much joy
I don't mind if I'm not in it

all of me

if i could 

i would sit down with you 

in a quiet corner  

and hold your hands in mine 

and in that slot of time 

i would give you 

all of me 

later, we will forget and move on 

life will take over

we will get busy

but one day you will remember

that you and i sat down 

in a quiet corner 

and shared this moment 

one day you had 

all of me

you're okay

you're okay, they said 

you're doing fine

you're doing great

and she died while

crying out that she wasn't 

verdict

you wronged me and i apologized

you hit your head against the wall and i assumed  i hurt you 

you cut me off and i blamed myself

you, and you, and you, all of you.  

i must have been crazy to have 

taken on your share for so long

i've redeemed myself now

i pronounce myself not guilty

walk

bare feet sink into mud

as i walk on wet soil 

my toes curl around leaves

of jagged edges and velvety surfaces

i walk in solitude

i walk in silence

i walk to remain suspended 

in thoughtlessness

i walk through hours 

of light and dark 

i walk in desperation 

i walk for space, i walk for time

i walk for relief, 
i walk to feel a little numb
i walk even though
my skin is blistered and bleeding 

i surrender 

to the rhythm of my feet 

as they carve out lines

on a map that only i know 

i keep going, 

steady, sane, sound 

on a ground
that features madmen and gone-too-soons. 

friend

you call me your friend
and my heart bursts with joy 
at knowing that, across the ocean 
i've got a hand to hold 

kind

your words, gentle
moving carefully,
avoiding everything
you know i don't want to talk about

you find the safe zones
you hold and respect my silence 
and i want to let you in 

as my words find yours
within all the lines we've drawn
you have my full, honest story 

redefining home

I love this street one that I've called home for twenty three years I've watched the mango and neem trees grow and welcome monkeys, bats and cicadas

I wake up to the call of a purple sunbird

I listen to the song of a grey-bellied cuckoo

in the afternoon, a hornbill's screech surprises us all

while a black kite soars in the sky

there's a tailorbird in the coconut tree

invisible, but it makes itself known today is a good day for

a duet with a chirping squirrel

in the evening, when the wind blows

stray gulmohar flowers and

white jasmine cover the ground

as do the seeds of the copperpod tree

oh, how I love that street

and how well I know it

and its inhabitants, including

hesitant shrews and nocturnal frogs

but far away, in another country

I am getting to know a new street I am learning its secrets and surprises

and the life it holds

here, I wake up to the call of the blackbird

and the twittering of robins

I watch magpies hop on the ground

and sparrowhawks circle above

the sweet smell of jasmine

is now replaced with the strong scent of hyacinths

the tabebuia and jacaranda trees

are recoloured in magnolia and cherry blossom

everything that I defined as home

the soundscapes, the enchantment, the familiarity

have now taken on a new meaning

and my boundaries have expanded

I find myself falling in love

unexpectedly and a little hesitantly looking for signs that will one day

spell a new nostalgia

home is a funny thing

it can be here

but it can also be

five thousand miles away

episode

in a moment

everything is lost 

i tremble and shake 

a plate breaks into pieces 

a head bangs against a wall 

tears roll down like rivers 

the walls cave around me

i squirm and howl  

i am never enough