why worry now

my feet soak
in a bucket of

white foam 

water
warms to my feet

warms my aching soles

dire straits
blasts through

the speakers

an assortment of novels

lie around me

on the bed 

i holler above

knopfler's low voice

lyrics i have known
since school 

and i see 

you're going to say 

something
but no, stop

you can't touch
this moment
save it for later

because right now

lady writer's
on the tv

​​

wheelie

a boy

​on a bicycle

sails past me 

quietly, and 

in the light

of the lamp-post

near the grocery store

​​i see him

do a wheelie 

simply, freely 

and almost 

unceremoniously 

on the empty street

nothing that anyone else

might have seen

except the evening stars

his front wheel 

was silhouetted against. 

tie-breaker

i watch
this relationship
gasp for air

limbs flailing
it struggles
to survive

i am baffled
at how love
can be warped

twisted, skewed
and distorted
like a photoshop image

i am shocked at how

it can transform itself

into this

and i weep
till i feel

i might 

cough up
my intestines.

i go through

anger, bitterness

self-doubt
and disappointment

i try to save

bits and pieces frantically

but i realise that

at some point
the relationship
can't take its own weight

and in the end
i only want
to save myself. 

"I love this song!"

it's the moment
you play something
and I recognize it

it's your voice
in harmony
with mine

it's the look
in your eyes
that shine into mine

in anticipation
and knowingness
it's the pause

before we sing
the chorus
it's the acknowledgement

of shared histories
in an old song
we both know the lyrics of

it's upliftment
it's losing ourselves
to a common power

music is your friend
as it is mine
but the companionship

between you and me
is exclusive, it is
a magical connect

however brief,
momentary
or fleeting

in that split second
as you catch my eye
while on stage

or in the hours
that we sing softly
to acoustic guitars

all loneliness
explodes and dissolves
into a fuel

that will keep
my feet moving
i'm grateful for you.

solution

a great many 
problems are solved
by keeping your mouth shut. 

stray

little white dog

by the atm 

you've got
such shiny brown eyes

you look up at me

as i wait for my turn

your tail
slowly wags

you stand up
stretch, and come
closer

sniffing at my kurta

it's impossible
to look away now

i give in

and bend down

before i can even

pat your head
you roll on your back 

in anticipation

and i scratch
your tummy
as you giggle

and wring your limbs

i stop
for a moment
and you paw at me
frantically

and i become
servile again

both my knees
on the street now

you follow me
as i walk towards

my office

nose close to my heel

i enjoy
the attention
yours, and that of passersby

equally 

we crossthe chinese restaurant
and you run off

in the direction 

of exciting smells

frenzied wagging
and sniffing follows

with your back towards me

i pause

and wait
for you 

patiently 

 

but you

are intent

in poking your nose
in the gutter

i suddenly feel

very betrayed.

snap

here comes 

breaking point

it comes closer

and closer

 

testing

your patience

testing 

your strength

 

you are 

prepared 

and determined

not to give in

 

you dig your feet

into the sand

firmly 

 

but when 

the wave hits you

your legs 

give way

 

they're no longer
under your control. 

when the waters recede
you find yourself

drenched, 
exhausted 
with salt and sand 
in your mouth 

you breathe

in relief 

it's over 

 

you don't see

the next wave 

coming

because who knew

that when you thought

you've recovered

 

you would break 

again

and again.

courage

one day
you have to stop
being afraid
and be you

i think it's today
it's a new release
first day, first show. 

farmer

orange saree
softly shines 
in the mild winter sun 
against blinding green
 
you drape your pallu
around your head

i watch
from behind the window 
of an air-conditioned 
train compartment 

the screen that
separates us

you, picking paddy
in mud-covered feet
me, sitting on my berth
with notepad and pen

using you
as my muse 

both of us
born of the same soil
in the same country 
but suddenly, I wonder

if being there
makes you
more Indian
than I am. 

back to the angst

working like a dog
to get what you want
can be a bitch.