back to the angst

working like a dog
to get what you want
can be a bitch.

grandmother

beautiful gold bangles
circle your thin wrists
and jingle when you
turn in your sleep
i can hear you

large diamond studs
adorn your
soft large earlobes
your white hair
silky till the very end

twice a day
you carefully smeared
vibhuti on
your forehead, asking me
if it looked okay

you saw me off
every morning
wishing me a good day
at college
when i went to office

i will miss your
sweet grandmother fragrance
of mysore sandal
and your delighted smile
when you were offered a sweet

you pampered me
i pampered you
i will miss that
avva, like most grandparents,
you were truly grand.

humiliation

undeserved injustice
can sting

but bow out gracefully
even as
your cheeks
are on fire

because
you can't ever give in 

pride

don't unwrap
your wounds
in public

spare others
the sight
of that mess

shield carefully
what's lurking
beneath the bandages

and when the
clot dries,
peel it off

absently
over and over again
till it grows

into a smooth scar
you can indifferently
boast about.

i don't remember
ever buying you
a birthday gift

we never felt
the need
to be demonstrative

we had no
obligations
you didn't have

to take my call
if you didn't feel like
and i would know

we
just knew

you turn 25 today
if you were around
i would've called you

and amused you
with my latest stories

but maybe
you already know.

separate

two vines spring
from the ground
near a pole

climbing, meeting
each other on the way
intertwining

tendrils
wrapped around
each other

tightly, growing
indistinguishable
from each other

green harmony
around a rusted
electric pole

but at the top
where does one go
wires force them out

in opposite directions
they cling, desperately
in hope

of going back
against growth
against nature

but how.

risk

sometimes
one needs
a change of scene

even if it is
to find
that the grass
isn't as green

somebody's gotta test it.

mental gym

burn
negative energy
break
into a sweat
walk
the madness off
tone
scattered thoughts

flex
this way and that
firm
through routine
stretch
to the limit
run
furiously to forget

remove, chop off

the unnecessary
keep
the awesomeness
and build
more of it.

blinded

wanting what isn't
spoils what is.

anonymous

hello nobody
how are you today
you are a breath of fresh air

in this world
of somebodies
so with you

i can be anybody

there are things

that time can't solve

is that why

there's silence?

energy

it's all very simple

you don't waste yourself

explaining things

to people

who don't understand

you just

shut the fuck up

and do it.

jury

society
you colourful bitch
purring when pleased

provoked, you
dig your claws viciously
into your victims

which shade
do you don today?
like a chameleon, changing

if only
camouflage
worked for you.

church street

a ponytail
a faded kurta
a large camera
dangling from his neck

he sits for hours
in india coffee house
the turbaned staff
are used to him, isolated

and others
mingling, foreign
indian, men, women
friends, businessmen

there's a pulse
running through
this one-way street
wild and promising

signboards, neon
ruby's, matteos
warm yellow shadows
at coco grove

from the java city dog
to the cats
at the magazine store
church street blossoms

with life, new faces
new cuisines
flourishing

against the old

at night
groups of people
beer-happy laughter
ringing of youth

dying into quiet
preparation for tomorrow
a lazy sunrise
a chill morning

says hello
to the buffet
at highgates, and juice
at empire.

deficit

yesterday
i found myself saying
nobody understands

how ironic
i used to turn to you
in times 
like these

what hurts most
is not
that you're not here
today

but that
you won't be here
tomorrow
or the days after

you will miss
my milestones
they will miss you

without you
the world
seems unbalanced.

loss

grief

cuts you up

into pieces

suddenly life

is divided

into with

and after you

why

did you leave

if only..

so many

if onlys

but you left

so quickly

i trust you

might have done

yourself good

you took

a part of me 

with you

and left yourself

with me

dear boy

i will miss you madly

you knew that.

aftermath

I don't know
if I can
carry you around
 
I try to
shrug you off
but you cling tightly

how do I forget?
let me try
to put you in a song

maybe somebody
will listen
and make it theirs

maybe my piano
will drain
you out of me

maybe you'll become
a melody I will hum
without thinking.

now
later
or never

time will tell you
when the time is right.

highway

wheels roll
parallel to
white lines 

that merge into mirages
in the distance

highway dhabas
and gas stations
line the road
a luxury hotel
stands alienated

small, quaint towns
of colourful houses
and chai shops
vibrant, bustling
take the left at the circle

trucks with
brightly painted backsides
horn ok please, tata!
enfields overtake

tilted buses

dhoti-clad farmer
and a group of cows
amble alongside
cars, in
cud-chewing nonchalance

snakes sprawl lazily
across your path
sunbathing beside
fields of green, golden
yellow and mud-brown

at night
dip your lights
in the darkness
luminous stickers
look ominous

driving along
finding fresh roads
following directions
getting lost
feeling light

belonging to
neither here
nor there
but to everything
in between milestones

beautiful grey suit
your shoes shine
attention-grabbing gloss
reflecting an image
you have to live up to

you tried the short-cut
there were too many cars
on the longer route
your path turned out filthy
the rich kind, but filthy

now you sign
all those deals
under the table
behind glass doors
high-profile smooth talkers

i'm not sure
which is worse
your lies
or your lack of guilt

muckpot
of lost ideals
perhaps
you could invest firstly
in a spine.